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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23825197">expecto patronum</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/accioearlgrey/pseuds/accioearlgrey'>accioearlgrey</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Language, Series, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:40:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,675</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23825197</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/accioearlgrey/pseuds/accioearlgrey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco Malfoy - Pureblood Slytherin prince, hated by most.<br/>And Y/N Y/L/N - Pureblood Slytherin reject, loved by those who least expected it.<br/>They've hated each other since the day they met, and they've both questioned if things could have been different.<br/>It just so happened, that it started with a Patronus.<br/>Based in Year Five.<br/>Draco x Reader, enemies to lovers AU</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Draco Malfoy/Female Reader, Draco Malfoy/Reader, Draco Malfoy/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>462</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. blackmail</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>PLEASE check the end for warnings, as not to spoil the chapter.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The beginning.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You want me to teach you <em>what?</em>"<br/>
If there was anyone in the entirety of Hogwarts you hated the most, it would be Draco Malfoy. Draco <em>bloody</em> Malfoy - you despised the boy from the second you laid eyes on him that day you were sorted into your houses. You weren't quite sure what it was that got to you so much - his awfully smug smile, or the way his hair still managed to suit him in that retched, slicked back style. His pompous tone and overall infuriating personality had always rubbed you up the completely wrong way - and the Slytherin Prince had, since that same day, made it clear that he felt exactly the same about you.<br/>
Despite you both being Slytherin and the sole products of Pureblood families, your ability to blend in with the Gryffindors and persistence to stand up for the ones that Malfoy seemed to hand pick as his targets managed to purely annoy him. You weren't quite sure he knew anything about you - except that you were the one Slytherin that the other houses actually seemed to tolerate, and in some cases, like.<br/>
'<em>Bloodtraitor</em>', he'd often growl, as he stalked past you in the corridor. Most usually when you stood with Potter and his gang, those stinging silver eyes flashing over you to his other mortal enemy with a venomous streak that you found yourself to be quite immune to. In reply, you'd merely roll your eyes, passing off his comment,<br/>
more concerned about keeping Harry's fists away from Malfoy's taunting grin. <em>Gryffindors</em>, you'd sigh to yourself, curtly telling Harry to '<em>stop overreacting, you blithering idiot</em>'.<br/>
So - it came to much of a surprise as it would anyone else - that Malfoy stood before you, arms crossed, brows furrowed as though <em>you</em> were the one asking him to do a favour (when, in fact, he was the one to drag you off down one of the lesser used corridors), demanding you teach him how to perform the Patronus charm.<br/>
"Are you deaf or just stupid? I said I need you to teach me how to do it. <em>Bloody hell</em>." You raised an eyebrow in reply, trying not to laugh right in his face. <em>He must be kidding</em>, you debated with yourself. <em>This has got to be some part in a plan to humiliate me, surely</em>.<br/>
"And what in Merlin's beard makes you think I want to help <em>you</em> - particularly with something could get me expelled-"<br/>
"I know that you're playing nicey-nicey with Potter and his army of idiots. You think I don't see you sneaking out of the Common room every Thursday looking like a child who got caught with his hand in the biscuit tin?"<br/>
You froze, at that. If the others in Dumbledore's Army knew you'd given them away to Draco Malfoy, of all people, you'd never recover. Everything Harry, and Ron and Hermione, had been working toward for months would be ruined because of <em>you</em>.<br/>
Fighting to keep your expression neutral, you merely sculpted your face into one of disgust.<br/>
"Are you implying that you're watching me, Malfoy? 'Cus that's just plain creepy-"<br/>
"Don't be repulsive," Draco spat, his eyes finally turning on you, pointedly. "You're a Bloodtraitor. If someone doesn't keep an eye on you, who will?" You scoffed, desperately passing off the unfamiliar pang of bitterness that never usually followed with Malfoy's insults. "Anyway, back to the matter at hand - if you don't teach me, I'll turn you and your disgusting 'friends' in to Umbridge."<br/>
Your stomach flipped, and your lips settled into a deep scowl. It was better than him having already done it, you supposed, but having to actually be around Malfoy, of all people...<br/>
You sighed, obnoxiously, before replying.<br/>
"Why would <em>you</em> need to know the Patronus charm? It's not exactly like you're going to need it any time soon, is it?" Malfoy's eyes flashed at your comment, and you paused, carefully watching him as he suddenly avoided your gaze. Something in his expression flickered, and a sense of dread washed over you - if Malfoy, the most obvious student in the school to become a Deatheater, was needing to protect himself against Dementors - then things were a lot worse than Harry or anyone in Dumbledore's Army had suspected.<br/>
The shift in his attitude merely lasted a second, before he hardened again, fixing you with an even harder glare.<br/>
"Are you going to teach me? Or am I going to need to take a trip to Umbridge's office?"<br/>
Pursing your lips and crossing your arms, you swallowed thickly before answering.<br/>
"Fine." Draco's dead set expression flickered as his lips pulled into a ghost of a smirk at your defeat, his arms finally dropping to shove his hands surely into the pockets of his uniform. "But you dare still utter a word about <em>anything</em>-"<br/>
"You have my word." He shrugged, glancing at you through his blond eyelashes. Rolling your eyes, you pushed yourself back off the wall you'd previously been leaning on with a small, humourless chuckle.<br/>
"That doesn't exactly give me much reassurance."<br/>
The boy watched you steadily, briefly, before nodding once, eyes holding a type of sincerity you doubted anyone had seen on his face more than once.<br/>
"Promise."<br/>
Tongue flicking out to dampen your lips, you straightened your robes and slipped your wand back into your pocket, still drawn from where he'd taken you by surprise a few minutes ago.<br/>
"Meet me here, Wednesday night, nine o'clock. You bring anyone else and I'll petrify you."<br/>
And with that, you vanished into the growing darkness of the corridor, aware of the feeling of those steely grey eyes watching you unwaveringly.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Warnings: language</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. the room of requirement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The first meeting.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It wasn't long before you were heading back toward that same corridor a few days later.<br/>
Since your exchange with Malfoy, he almost hadn't changed - he still taunted you whenever you happened to cross paths, still spewed dramatised insults whenever he happened to be around you or Harry in class. In fact, if you didn't know better, you would have almost felt as though the entire thing was something you'd come up with in your head - something to distract yourself with whilst you lived in this odd era of war. Harry was becoming increasingly enigmatic about the entire situation, and Ron had distractedly mentioned to you about the continuous dreams that seemed to haunt the boy who lived, predicting something awful was on the horizon.<br/>
To make matters worse, Umbridge was tightening her grip on Hogwarts daily, stalking the corridor with a self-righteous, menacing smirk gracing her features, in such a loathsome way that you wondered how Draco himself had managed to get away with a much similar expression most of his life and still come out of it looking somewhat decent. Anxiety hummed quietly in the back of your mind as you snuck through the corridors, keeping your eyes well aware of your surroundings in case the pink-loving bitch herself decided to make an appearance. It wasn't even all that dark - the curfew seemed to get earlier every week, much to yours and the other students dismay, making it hard to blend in with the castle walls, which would usually provide more shadows to hide within. If it weren't for the circumstances, you might have asked Harry if you could have borrowed his invisibility cloak - but you weren't about to explain <em>this</em> situation. <em>Blackmailed by Draco bloody Malfoy,</em> you growled to yourself, adjusting the grip on your wand. <em>Yeah, I'm sure Harry would love that.</em><br/>
Finally coming up to the corner of the corridor in question, you pressed your back to the wall, carefully peering round it. Draco, most likely having come the same direction from the Slytherin Common room, had his back to you, wand peeking out the end of his green-lined robes. <em>Idiot,</em> you thought to yourself, but inwardly thanking him for not bringing any of the other Slytherin boys with him. Blaise Zabini - you could just about manage him - and Theodore Nott, he was okay. But the two brutes that Malfoy often chose for company, Crabbe and Goyle, <em>Merlin,</em> you could barely stomach the sound of their names.<br/>
Slinking round the corner, you paced towards him, growling a quiet <em>"Malfoy,"</em>, as to not take him by surprise.<br/>
Draco turned, looking as though he was about to raise his wand before a flicker of recognition flashed in his eyes.<br/>
"Why in Merlin's name did you choose <em>this</em> corridor to meet me in? Are you <em>thick?</em>" Draco hissed, but you merely ignored his comment, stalking past him in the direction of the Room of Requirement. Silently fuming, he followed, shooting a look behind the both of you as you turned another corridor.<br/>
The blank expanse of the wall softly rumbled, a noise you were quite familiar with - not loud enough to pinpoint your whereabouts, but just loud enough for you to know something was happening, watching the outlines of the door trace themselves over once solid brick. Once the door was fully exposed, you grabbed the spare fabric of Draco's sleeve and yanked him towards the entrance, prompting him to quickly pull away and glare at the back of your head, an amused smile pulling at the corner of your mouth.<br/>
If getting to annoy Malfoy as much as he did you came with this one-sided deal, you'd take it.<br/>
As soon as you stepped foot in the training room you'd become so familiar with, the doors began to swing shut after you, sealing with the same echo of grinding rock before you finally turned to face him. Draco's eyes ran around the edges of the room, hesitating on the mirror posted full of newspaper articles and photos that Harry had managed to collect over the weeks. You almost thought you could pinpoint a trickle of wonder within his stormy hues, or a bitterness - the type you see in a child when they get left out of the game - but it quickly dulled, and they snapped back to you.<br/>
"What?" He pressed, instantly retaking his usual stance of arrogance and aggression. You merely raised your eyebrows, pulling your robe off your shoulders.<br/>
"I don't think I've ever seen you looked so upsettingly impressed." Turning, you balled up your robe and threw it off to the side, only to be met with a snarl and a narrowed look.<br/>
"You think I'm <em>impressed</em>? It's barely anything to be impressed by," Malfoy retorted, beginning to follow your lead as he shrugged his own thick material off.<br/>
"If you say so," You muttered, under your breath, earning another quick glare. Ignoring him and rolling up your sleeves, you took out your wand, waiting for his attention to fully fall back on you before you spoke.<br/>
"Firstly, this is the training room we use, so please, don't leave a trace of you behind, or take anything, or do anything stupid." Malfoy only watched you vacantly, raising an eyebrow to prompt you to continue when you paused. "Which, I know, being stupid must be hard for you, Malfoy-"<br/>
"Watch it-"<br/>
"But you know, maybe, just consider it. If anyone finds out I've let you in here, I'm done for - and I mean, <em>done for</em>. They already despise you as it is-"<br/>
"Charming-"<br/>
"And to be quite honest with you, I'd rather them not decide to despise me too. Turns out proving you're not a dickhead because of your house is easier said than done - not that you'd have anything to worry about, because you <em>are</em> a dickhead."<br/>
"I didn't risk my position with Umbridge to get repeatedly insulted, you know."<br/>
"Quite frankly, I don't care." You stared at him, pointedly, not bothering to choke down the spit of anger in you chest. "You were the one that asked me to do this - or, more accurately, <em>blackmailed</em> me, to do this, so stop complaining."<br/>
"Exactly - you're here because I've got something against you, right?" Draco's eyes glimmered in a sense of confident authority as he spoke, forcing you to bite back a scoff. "So, stop with the insults or I <em>will</em> tell Umbridge."<br/>
You paused, staring at the platinum haired male with a twinge of frustration already beginning to peep through.<br/>
"Well done, Draco! You just proved my point. <em>You're a dickhead</em>." You shot him a sarcastic smile, trying to bite back the genuine anger rising in your chest. He only smirked, setting his eyes on you before speaking.<br/>
"Quite frankly, I don't care."<br/>
A tense silence settled between the two of you; he watched, awaiting a reaction, like a predator to prey, you trying not to burst into a fit of rage. <em>How dare he use your words against you? How dare he act like such a smart arse in a situation he had forced you into - that you had practically no part in?</em><br/>
"Do you purposefully try to make my life a living nightmare?" You spat, scowering his face as his lips curled up at one side slightly, only pushing you further.<br/>
"You're the one that made me come here, so for the love of Merlin, <em>stop</em> making it so bloody difficult." With a roll of his eyes, Draco sighed dramatically.<br/>
"You're the one that is insulting me every five minutes." He muttered, his childish tone pricking at the anger that progressively fired up in your chest.<br/>
"Maybe because you blackmailed me!" You argued, your free hand curling into a tight fist. You knew he did it to get a rise - but you just couldn't help it.<br/>
"Well, maybe you deserve it," The blond scanned you, disgust flickering within his features. "Getting involved with Mudbloods and Muggle-lovers like <em>Potter.</em>" You bit back a shudder at the way his voice curled around the derogatory term, wishing you were anywhere else, anywhere else but stood there having to listen to Malfoy spurt his usual bullshit.<br/>
"I'm beginning to think you asked me here to purely piss me off," Running a hand over your hair, you crossed your arms, averting your gaze from the boy.<br/>
"Well, am I?" Another ridiculous smirk - prompting you groan.<br/>
"What the hell do you think?"<br/>
A second silence - your eyes meeting, an unspoken challenge building up between you. Your heart was racing as you tried to collect yourself, well aware that this was exactly what he wanted, exactly what he was aiming for. Shaking your head, you shoved your wand back into your pocket and made back towards where your cloak sat, previously discarded.<br/>
"What are you doing?" He watched, pointedly, as you scooped it up and hastily shoved it back onto your figure.<br/>
"I'm not putting up with this today." You growled, only to look back at him and find his wand being shoved in your direction. A unbelieving laugh escaped your lips and you raised your eyebrows at him, glancing up and down his body. His eyes stared back, daringly, tauntingly, but you refused to bite.<br/>
"I think you're forgetting what sort of deal this is, Y/L/N." Malfoy prowled, circling slightly as you shifted away from him, putting himself between you and the doorway.<br/>
"You're being way too dramatic, even for you, Malfoy." You warned, hand resting at your pocket in case he did attempt to try anything. "I co-operated, I came."<br/>
"And now you're threatening to leave." He reminded you, scowling.<br/>
"Put your wand away." You demanded, boiling with frustration. When he made no effort to move, you grabbed your own from your pocket and thrust it in his direction. "Put your <em>bleeding</em> wand away, or I'll-"<br/>
"You'll what?" He tried, smiling ever so slightly. "You do anything, and I go straight to Umbridge."<br/>
You froze, then. He'd backed you into a corner - he'd taken away any threat, any leverage you had, and you were practically defenceless.<br/>
He was watching you, expectantly, eyes flickering in surprise as you straightened, slipping your wand back into your pocket with a defeated sigh.<br/>
"I give up. You win." You shrugged, but he remained on guard. As much as it pained you to do it, there was nothing you could do but try and appeal to whatever Draco wanted from you. Nothing, not even the joy of being able to disarm or injure him, was worth the exposure of DA. You'd lose <em>everything.</em><br/>
"Why?" He narrowed his eyes, prompting you to laugh lightly.<br/>
"You're not worth it." You admitted, almost coming across as bored.<br/>
And, much to your delight - you could see his own fury begin to poison his gaze.<br/>
"Don't be <em>ridiculous-</em>"<br/>
"You're not." You shook your head, lips curling up subtly. "I'll stand here all night if you want me to. You're not letting me teach you what you want me to, and you're not letting me leave, either, so what do I do? Hex you and waste the last month of Harry's hard work?" You fixed him with a glare. "I don't think I want to do that, <em>Malfoy.</em>"<br/>
He blinked once. Then, he blinked again.<br/>
Before you could realise what he was doing, he was stepping back, wand back in his pocket, and picking up his own robes.<br/>
"We start properly next week." He sighed, defeatedly. "And if you don't show up-"<br/>
"Yeah, yeah, you'll go have a chit-chat with Umbridge." You rolled your eyes, stalking past him toward the door, watching as the lines reappeared on the walls. "See you<br/>
next week."<br/>
And with that, you left him, standing in the doorway with a hint of bitterness pooling in his stomach.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Warnings: language, angst(?)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. patronus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The second meeting.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It came with no surprise that by the next week, you really weren't looking forward to having to meet Malfoy.<br/>
He was waiting, just round the corner from the Room of Requirement, with a dead set expression, not bothering to greet you as you turned the corner and fixed him with a lightly warning glare. The door appeared as quickly as it vanished, as usual, and no words were spoken even as you shrugged off your robes and rolled up your sleeves.<br/>
He'd been oddly quiet since your last exchange in that very room - and in some sort of twisted way, you practically missed having degrading insults thrown your way every five minutes throughout the school day. Luckily for you, when Hermione had brought it up, Ron had passed it off as <em>'he must be having a bad week, if people like him even have such things'</em>. The comment had made you smile, at least, but you were more grateful that you didn't have to worry about them noticing the shift between you and the Slytherin Prefect.<br/>
You turned finally, eyeing the wand that rested in his hand. He seemed to follow your gaze, a look of annoyance passing over his expression before he finally spoke.<br/>
"Don't worry, I'm not going to try and jinx you," Malfoy huffed, and you allowed your lips to flicker into a momentary smirk. You caught glimpses of his personality, from time to time, and sometimes you even caught yourself thinking that you could have been friends, if things were different.<br/>
But they weren't different - and you had managed to make yourself Draco's enemy before you really knew his name.<br/>
"Reassuring." You deadpanned, before brandishing your own wand. "You actually going to listen to me today then, or what?" He nodded, albeit reluctantly, and you bit your lip, pushing down the fizzle of excitement of getting to teach him something. <em>He blackmailed you, remember - you're here against your will.</em><br/>
"So, what do you know about Dementors?" You began, leaving your trail of thought and resting our focus on the matter at hand. Malfoy watched you for a minute, as though debating if he should make some kind of comment, or, as he chose to, actually give you a reasonable answer.<br/>
"They feed off happiness and guard Azkaban," He replied, matter of factly, pleasantly surprising you. You nodded, making a small <em>'Mhm'</em>, and gesturing him to continue, and he rolled his eyes slightly at the way you had seemingly adopted the role as teacher. "After being on the receiving end of a 'Dementors Kiss', most people feel very depressed and generally a bit shit."<br/>
His phrasing pulled at your lips in amusement, and you nodded again, pausing in the absentminded pacing that you had taken on. "Good. So, what's the charm you have to use in order to defend yourself against them?"<br/>
"Expecto Patronum." Draco stated, meeting your eyes before adding, "Obviously."<br/>
"Good." You repeated, searching his grey orbs for a minute. "You're smarter than people give you credit for, aren't you?" You tilted your head ever so slightly, his brows pulling into a momentary frown before giving you a slight nod.<br/>
"I suppose I am." The words came with a lilt, self-questioning, almost humble. The trait seemed so uncomfortable on his face, almost as though it didn't suit him. Draco seemed somewhat on edge, as though you were about to take advantage of his surprise due to your double-edged compliment, prompting a slight worry from you.<br/>
<em>What had happened to this boy to make him expect something bad to happen whenever he displayed any other emotion than his usual, distasteful confidence?</em><br/>
Shaking your head slightly, as though to rid yourself of the pitying thought, you grasped your wand a little more tightly in your grasp, raising it swiftly into a familiar swish.<br/>
"Expecto patronum," You whispered, words hushed but still clear, a memory playing throughout your head even more quietly than you'd said the words. It was comfortable, now, less something you had to channel into, more second nature. Draco watched, eyes glimmering from the burst of light that had ejected itself from the tip of your wand, the strand slowly morphing and swirling into a small creature, scampering around you before making small rings around him. You almost recognised a hint of impression in his features, but you passed it off as your own pride playing on your imagination.<br/>
"A ferret," He mumbled, finally pulling his eyes off the ball of white light to look at you with a slight softness. You followed the creature with your gaze before it dissipated somewhere behind the boy in front of you, and you settled to look back at him, smiling a little, accompanied by a small nod. The atmosphere in the room had completely shifted from moments before, now feeling more relaxed, even comfortable. "Why a ferret?"<br/>
The question fazed you slightly, and you paused, words balling up in your throat and dying on the back of your tongue. His voice was genuine, intrigued, and you noticed his usual glint had fizzled into wonder.<br/>
Mad-Eye Moody's gruff tone echoed in the back of your mind, but you only shrugged, arm dropping back to rest at your side.<br/>
"Why do you want to know how to do it?" The question came unexpectedly to him, but Draco only pulled back slightly, sighing as his gaze wandered to the opposite side of the room. Staying silent, you only observed his unnatural change in attitude.<br/>
"They freak me out," He admitted, quietly. "Guess I thought if I learnt how to do it, they wouldn't. Freak me out, I mean." His tone was reluctant, and it took him a minute before he could look at you again, instantly shifting away from his more reproachful manner mere moments ago.<br/>
"Stop asking questions and start teaching." Draco pushed, and you couldn't help but find yourself wanting to smile - even if it was a little bit.<br/>
Behind the insults and facade that everyone knew - he clearly had a soft side. Difficult to find, and even more difficult to make last, you guessed, but it was there all the same, and it someway, it gave you a sense of comfort. It was a side of Draco Malfoy you'd never had the chance to witness before in your life. He was the kid all the teachers despised, but couldn't say it, the classmate you dreaded to be paired up with. He was the Slytherin everyone loved to hate, even if they didn't admit it, and the one you had so desperately tried to despise from the moment you'd jumped to Harry's defence on your first day.<br/>
Perhaps that was all it was - perhaps Draco wasn't the <em>worst</em> of them all.<br/>
Clearing your mind, you gave him a look, and continued.<br/>
"Think of a happy memory - that is, if you have any in that empty head of yours."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Warnings: language, fluff</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. pureblood</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bonding, I guess.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a couple weeks since your second, more civil, meeting with Draco Malfoy - and it turned out that gentle side that you'd mulled over so much was one that you'd rarely come across. Most often, he'd be his usual self - insulting, demeaning, and an overall nuisance as always. But, he'd managed to listen to you as you had instructed him - and when your sessions weren't interrupted by some form of disagreement or squabble over him making a comment, he'd managed to make some form of progress. Of course, not much could actually be done without a Dementor to practice on, but he'd already gotten to producing a shield of light.<br/>
You'd hidden a small, proud smile as he did, quickly masking it with a curt nod as he flicked his eyes towards you to gauge your reaction, but his eyes told you a different story to the stony expression he always seemed to hold. The blue-grey hue whispered a hidden <em>'Thank You'</em>, that you were quite sure you'd imagined, but you still held the sight close to your chest - you had taught him something, at least.<br/>
The sessions didn't last particularly long - an hour, at most - but you'd almost come to enjoy the short amount of time you spent with your supposed enemy. Surprisingly, he held a sense of ease that you didn't feel with most people, particularly with your Gryffindor friends. When you were in that room with him, your heart felt a bit lighter, and the events going on outside those walls seemed less overbearing. It was a break from Harry's usual brooding, and Hermione's fretting; a space where you could worry about Draco's next insult rather than when The Dark Lord was going to make his next move.<br/>
Most in Hogwarts were looking toward Christmas - the nights were drawing, and everyone was begging to be released from Umbridge's reign for at least a week. Within the DA, suspicions about when (not if) Umbridge was finally going to make someone cave, and what would happen when they did. You being the only Slytherin on the team didn't exactly make matters easy for you, and it wasn't rare that Ginny or someone amongst the group would make an off comment about your Pureblood heritage or house.<br/>
You'd learnt, particularly after having to face Malfoy's hatred over the years, that it was better to mostly ignore it, and only to pipe in when necessary. As of yet, Hermione had jumped to your defence, claiming <em>'She's got more Gryffindor in her than you'd think'.</em><br/>
"Malfoy has been rather quiet recently, don't you think?" The blonde had brought up, as the four of you huddled in the library, desperately pouring over books that Hermione had demanded you start studying. (<em>'I don't care what You Know Who is up to right now',</em> she'd growled at Harry as she thrust a particularly heavy Potions book in his direction. <em>'If you don't start studying for your OWL's, you'll have nothing to come back to once you've survived.'</em>)<br/>
"I hardly think you should be complaining," Ron had rolled his eyes, leaning back against his chair with a slight groan and earning a rather harsh look from the librarian. Harry, who was absentmindedly doodling on the corner of his book, made a small <em>'Mm'</em> in agreement.<br/>
"It's not a complaint," She retorted, eyes flicking between them. "I just think it's a little worrying, don't you?"<br/>
You watched her expression carefully, head still down as though you were heavily reading, but in fact your heart had began to race significantly faster than you supposed it should do. <em>She's noticed,</em> you thought, swallowing quickly. <em>She's noticed, and it won't be long before she notices something else.</em><br/>
"Well, Y/N, what do you think? You share a common room with him." Harry brought up, and you snapped your head up to glare at him across the table at the sound of your name. Taking a breath, you allowed yourself to calm, disguising it as a sigh.<br/>
"I don't really pay attention to him and his <em>company</em>." You murmured, attempting to put your attention back into the words sitting in front of you.<br/>
"I'd keep an eye on him, Y/N. If he's acting suspicious we need to know." Hermione spoke, distractedly as she made a note on her page. "You are our inside woman."<br/>
You scoffed, rolling your eyes slightly.<br/>
"Glad to know that's what you think of me," You muttered, before allowing the conversation to die down.<br/>
It wasn't much later that day that you found yourself back in the Room of Requirement, perched at the edge of the room as Malfoy attempted to cast the spell for what felt like the hundreth time.<br/>
"You managed to do it the other day, so I don't know what you're doing wrong. Are you sure you're thinking of a strong memory?" You called as he let out a small growl of frustration, not entirely paying attention to him as you scanned over the textbook in your lap.<br/>
"<em>Yes,</em> I'm sure." He snapped, swishing his wand again and speaking the words clearly to no result. "Why are you studying so early for OWL's anyway? You'll have forgotten it all by the time the actual exams come around. Aren't you supposed to be helping me?" Your gaze trailed off the end of the sentence before you slammed the book shut, glancing up at him.<br/>
"Granger is making me and the others do it. Something about <em>'studying it once isn't good enough for A* students'.</em>" Draco grumbled at the sound of the Gryffindor girls name, but you brushed past it, getting to your feet. "And I <em>am</em> helping you, Malfoy. It's just I can't actually perform the spell for you, as well."<br/>
The glare he sent you shut you up, and you gestured for him to repeat the spell. Taking a deep breath, he flicked his wand, declaring the charm in an increasingly frustrated tone.<br/>
"No, no, no." You shook your head, lips curling into a smile as you recognised what was happening. "That's just it, isn't it?" Malfoy stared at you as you moved closer, adjusting his grip on his wand. His fingers were cold, like you'd imagined with how pale his skin was, and you ignored the way your stomach fizzled lightly as your fingertips brushed together.<br/>
"What - <em>bloody hell</em> - are you tell me I can't use my wand properly?" He demanded, earning a small, almost silent, laugh from you.<br/>
"Not exactly. You have to hold the wand a little less... Angrily. There you go." You pulled back, avoiding his gaze from so close to you. "Don't flick, swish, like I showed you, and make sure you really mean it. It'll know if you don't mean it."<br/>
"Yeah, yeah alright. I didn't ask for you to criticise me." Draco mumbled, but flashed you a quick look before he raised his wand, sweeping it as he spoke the words much more calmly than he had been previously. Light burst out the end of his wand, erupting into a fountain shape that hummed quietly.<br/>
"Good," You nodded, and he finally dropped it back to his side, cheeks flushing ever so slightly at your tips allowing the spell to work.<br/>
Sure, Draco was still somewhat hostile - but it felt so much easier than it had been, being around him. Your first session felt so long ago compared to where you stood now, despite it having been only a few weeks ago, and you had to admit, although reluctantly, that you were almost beginning to enjoy being around him.<br/>
Moving back to where your book had been discarded, you grabbed it off the floor, tucking it into the crook of your elbow.<br/>
"That it for tonight then?" You asked, as he slipped his wand into his back pocket with a proud glimmer remaining on his face. His eyes shifted to look at you, and he hesitated - something you weren't sure you'd actually caught him doing before - prompting you to raise an eyebrow.<br/>
"Yeah, no," Draco cleared his throat, retaking his confidence almost as soon as he had lost it. "I have a question." he stated, lifting his chin a little and staring at you down his nose as he awaited a reaction. The action made you want to roll your eyes, but you pushed past it, nodding.<br/>
"Go on." You watched him expectantly, and it took him a second before he spoke again.<br/>
"You're a Pureblood, right?" He began, and you squinted at him in pure confusion as you replied.<br/>
"You know that already."<br/>
Draco grumbled slightly at your retort, and you spiked your brow again, urging him to continue.<br/>
"Then why bother joining in with Potter and his band?" He shrugged, turning to grab his robes off the floor as though he had no interest in a conversation he had started. "You're comfortable, with a Pureblood family and nothing to worry about, so why bring all this trouble to your doorstep? Fighting and befriending Mudbloods. It just doesn't make sense."<br/>
You found yourself staring hard at him for a minute, mind whirring with a hundred things you wanted to say at once. <em>How dare he make assumptions about you and your family? And why the hell would Malfoy want to ask you about that, of all things? Something, that was questionably personal, in fact, something that he clearly disagreed with.</em> You swallowed, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your hair.<br/>
"Why do you care?" You replied curtly, brow creasing slightly.<br/>
"I don't." He spoke quickly, shoving his arms into the sleeves almost frantically. "I'm just intrigued as to why you're being an idiot."<br/>
You fell silent again, running your options through your head. The idea that this could be your moment to maybe get through to him, to coax some of his own answers out, flashed through your thoughts, and you shook them away. <em>Just answer the bleeding question</em>, you pleaded with yourself.<br/>
"Freedom."<br/>
Malfoy scoffed loudly, meeting your eyes, but the amusement glimmering within his features quickly fell away as he saw how honestly you stared back at him.<br/>
"You're being serious?" He deadpanned, and you ground your teeth slightly at the tone.<br/>
"Look, if you're going to take this as a joke then leave it," You hissed, turning to leave the room when you felt that ice cold skin grasp your wrist, pulling you back slightly. You glared down at his touch, but he jerked his hand back before you could see it, forcing you to face him again.<br/>
"I won't. Take it as a joke." He muttered, and you sighed a little defeatedly, shrugging.<br/>
"It's no one's fault who they are born to." You began, shifting so your body faced away from him, but you could still feel the pressure of his eyes on your skin. "Someone shouldn't have to live in darkness because they were born into it." You dared a glance at him, his expression one of sincere interest, pushing you to talk further. "Why should someone have to be forced to live a certain way purely because of who their parents were? It's ridiculous, really. I mean, we aren't our parents, right? So why should we have to be judged based on who we aren't?"<br/>
"Something tells me you aren't talking about Mudbloods, here." Draco watched you carefully as you cringed at the term, but you were surprised he wasn't already breaking into his usual rant about blood purity. Your face turned sour, and you swallowed, tilting your chin upward slightly before speaking.<br/>
"I never said my reasons were to do with Muggleborns." You pointed out. "We have our <em>own</em> reasons to go against The Dark Lord. It's not always about blood."<br/>
The boy froze at the sound of the dark wizard, and you took the moment to put some distance between the two of you, mind still whirring with answers you wouldn't give him.<br/>
"Y/N," Draco called, and you faltered at the usage of your first name. Turning slightly to look back at him, you found it difficult to read his expression, and you gestured for him to speak with a quick nod in his direction. He swallowed, before speaking again. "I'm not going to turn you in to Umbridge."<br/>
You watched him, heart jumping slightly in your chest. It had to be the kindest thing he had ever said, or implied, since you met him - and the way your chest grew slightly warmer at the thought of it made you take a minute to process what he had said.<br/>
And yet, you only shot him a smile, as the door grew across the stone and swung open.<br/>
"I know."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Warnings: language, fluff</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. friends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Y/N, he's looking at you again."<br/>
Your eyes took a second to follow the motion of your head as you finished the line of a sentence you were reading, landing on the familiar face of Hermione Granger. Once she'd discovered you'd been slacking with your work load over the past week, she'd dragged you into the hall to study, demanding you finish reading your notes before the school day was out.<br/>
"Honestly, say the word and I'll knock him out. Bloody creep."<br/>
And, of course, where Granger went, Ron Weasley followed. You sighed, giving Ron a dead look before turning in your seat to find Draco already watching you. Something in his gaze dropped, and he merely glared at you in his usual way before muttering something to Zabini, who was hunched over beside him, looking as though he'd rather die than be sitting there, studying.<br/>
"Don't be stupid. I'm sure he's just making some stupid joke about me being a <em>'repulsive Bloodtraitor'</em>, or something along those lines." You passed it off, attempting to get back into the rhythm of the book in front of you. Hermione scoffed, and it took everything within you not to take the <em>bloody</em> book and bash her head in with it. Yes, Draco had been looking at you a lot. Probably still gauging your reaction to his parting words from the week before - it didn't exactly mean anything.<br/>
"Go on." You growled, sitting up once again and raising an eyebrow at the blonde Gryffindor daringly. She took in a breath and shook her head with a bewildered smile.<br/>
"Oh it's nothing, it's just..."<br/>
"What?" You snapped, fixing her with a look that she was clearly avoiding. "You're going to say it anyway so you might as well come out with it."<br/>
"It's that, Y/N, I overheard Pansy Parkinson saying she'd seen you sneaking around a lot recently - and of course, originally, I put it down to DA, but - then she mentioned that Malfoy had also been in and out of the common room a lot lately..."<br/>
"You've got to be mental," Ron wheezed, and your gaze snapped to the ginger with a slight race in your heart. <em>Were you really being that obvious?</em> "Y/N and Malfoy? Have you forgotten that she tried to knock him off his broom with a hex, like, what, a month ago?" A small smile tugged at your lips at the memory, inwardly correcting him - <em>'two months ago'</em>. In fact, since you had begun meeting Malfoy in the Room of Requirement, you hadn't attempted to kill him half as much as you used to.<br/>
"I don't know, Ronald." Her eyes finally flickered back to you from her book, giving you a knowing smirk. "Like I mentioned the other week - Malfoy does seem to have gone quiet recently."<br/>
You took in a deep breath, slamming your book shut with a pit in your stomach.<br/>
"Me and Draco Malfoy are not rendezvousing for a quick snog after curfew, if that is what you're trying to imply, Hermione." You hissed, scrambling to your feet and shoving your notes into your bag. "And, to be quite honest with you, I'm insulted that you'd even think I would."<br/>
Her jaw fell a little as you stormed off down the aisles of the hall, Ron biting on his lip to avoid breaking out into a fit of laughter.<br/>
"I think you touched a nerve there, Hermione."<br/>
He was silenced with a large whack on the arm with her copy of 'A History of Magic'.<br/>
You ran your fingers through your hair, rushing nowhere in particular as your thoughts whirred. This was bad - very, very bad. Not only had Pansy Parkinson realised that you and Draco seemed to vanish into thin air every Wednesday night, but Hermione knew and was practically already brainstorming theories.<br/>
<em>If something got out, or someone got slip of anything-</em><br/>
"What was all that about?"<br/>
You jumped, bag thudding against the brick of the floor as a voice came from just behind you. You spun, ready to send your attacker a barrage of words, when you recognised a set of steel eyes and almost unnaturally white hair.<br/>
"And it's your business, how, Malfoy?" You spat, prompting his brows to momentarily furrow - it had been a while since you'd spoken to him in such a strongly aggressive tone.<br/>
"Alright, Y/L/N, I was only checking you hadn't managed to get us both bloody expelled." His eyes searched your face, and you sighed, leaning back against the wall you stood beside. You were flushed, and you radiated a panicked energy he hadn't felt in you before. "You okay?"<br/>
Your eyes jolted toward him at that.<br/>
Never, once, in your years at Hogwarts - or, in your recent weeks of 'bonding' - had Draco Malfoy asked if you were okay. Never even <em>implied</em> the gesture.<br/>
He let out a bemused chuckle at your parted lips, balling his fists in his pockets. "Yeah, I'm not always heartless, shocker."<br/>
You collected yourself, before allowing your lips to flicker into an unsure smile.<br/>
A slight commotion sounded at the end of the corridor, and you instinctively straightened up, noting the way Draco's features quickly dissolved back into the ones of vacancy - they looked so awkward after seeing him so comfortable only seconds before.<br/>
Once you were sure the group had passed, you spoke again.<br/>
"Pansy Parkinson has noticed us sneaking out - and she's only gone and told pretty much everyone. Granger is already questioning me." Draco's eyes turned on you for a second, and you almost thought you could recognise a sense of uncertainty brew in the depths of his pupils.<br/>
"Then we'll just change the day we meet?" Malfoy raised an eyebrow at you, as though it was obvious, and you turned your body to face the wall opposite you, rather than towards him. When you didn't speak for a second, he muttered your surname questioningly, and you sighed for what felt like the hundreth time.<br/>
"Why are we even carrying on with this? You've learnt the spell, right, you've got what you wanted - so why carry it on and risk everything for both of us?"<br/>
You regretted the words as soon as they'd left your mouth.<br/>
Yes - you argued. Yes - you continued the act of hating each other in public. But when you were together... It was easy. Comfortable. You knew what you could push, and what not to. There was no true difference between you, really - of course, other than his utterly draconian and horrendous opinions on Muggles. Especially after the conversation you'd had not a week ago, things had felt more relaxed between the two of you.<br/>
But this was, at the end of the day, Draco Malfoy. And of course, things were always complicated with Draco Malfoy. How were you supposed to know what was real with him and what wasn't?<br/>
Draco caught his own reaction, swallowing back a wince as he too straightened. His eyes fell off somewhere in the far distance, and your stomach dropped.<br/>
"Right," He grumbled. "Because the two of us being seen together would be such a disaster."<br/>
You searched his expression desperately, looking for something, anything, to prompt that the words he had just spoken were tainted. You remembered the way he had stared after you that last session, face softened, honest.<br/>
It made your heart flutter in the slightest way.<br/>
"Did you mean it?" You asked, your own words taking you by surprise. His eyes turned to you again, blank, and you continued, slightly panicked. "Are you really not going to tell Umbridge?"<br/>
Draco fell silent for a moment, before nodding, eyes peering down at the floor between you.<br/>
"I meant it." He admitted, and you felt a sense of relief flood over you at the words. "I didn't think that not telling Umbridge meant we weren't going to meet anymore, though."<br/>
It was your turn to stare at him with a blank expression. He was obviously avoiding your eyes, jaw slightly clenched.<br/>
"Don't tell me you've gotten attached," You whispered, and he shot you a glare.<br/>
"Don't be <em>stupid,</em>" He spat back, before withdrawing, any venom that lingered in his features melting away. "You're a good teacher, that's all."<br/>
You watched him for a second longer, reading into his reply. You knew him better, by now. You could practically feel the way they masked something else - a confession that he obviously didn't want to make.<br/>
"I'm honoured," You grumbled, grabbing your bag off the floor and shrugging it back onto your shoulder. Malfoy rolled his eyes, but mirrored the small smirk you had allowed your lips to take on. "I'll be there tonight. Just - be careful."<br/>
"I am." He retorted, but his eyes softened a little as you fixed him with a genuine look.<br/>
As much as you didn't mind becoming friendlier towards the boy, publicly, it wasn't an option. Not with the crowd you chose to surround yourself with, at least.<br/>
Draco was pleasantly surprised to see you did in fact show up later that night.<br/>
You stumbled into the room, a stack of books lodged within your arms, and he raised his eyebrows, barely flinching as the door shut behind you and you allowed them to drop to the floor in front of you.<br/>
"And what in, <em>'be careful'</em>, does it say that sneaking around with a tonne of books is a good idea?" Malfoy taunted, but you just shot him a glare, slumping down in the middle of the room, around a couple meters away from where he sat on one of the benches.<br/>
"Might as well be productive," You shrugged, flipping open the cover of a book - he caught the words <em>'dark arts'</em> as you did so, and he craned over you to try and scan the page.<br/>
"I'm pretty sure that isn't Ministry approved material, Y/L/N," He teased, but you only reached forward, grabbing one of the books from the pile and flinging it behind you, earning you a hiss and <em>'bloody hell, at least try and kill me discretely'.</em><br/>
You studied in silence for a while, Draco carelessly picking up and flicking through the pages of your books as you read, eyebrows furrowed, trying to make sense of the words on the page.<br/>
Eventually, you gave up, letting a copy of <em>'Advanced Transfiguration Techniques'</em> drop onto your lap as you let out a groan.<br/>
"I don't think I've ever hated Hermione as much as I do right now." You complained, rolling your neck around to meet Draco's eyes from where he slouched in front of you,plucking the book from where it had fallen and running his eyes over the words.<br/>
"Well, I'm sure you don't hate her nearly as much as I do," He grunted, biting back a chuckle as you shot him a look. "She's given you a book that's for <em>NEWT level</em> students, you dimwit. That's why none of it makes sense." Your eyes widened, and you snatched the book back from him, scanning the back - and, oh so annoyingly, he was correct.<br/>
"Fucking <em>Gryffindors</em>," You growled, chucking it back with the others. "Making me study for next year. I don't even like transfiguration."<br/>
Once you fell silent, you found Draco watching you, a look you didn't quite recognise reflecting back at you. You raised an eyebrow at him, leaning back against the bench behind you.<br/>
"What?" You demanded, and it fell away in an instant. He shook his head, finally sitting up straight.<br/>
"I think I'm gonna hit the common room." He announced, and you couldn't help but feel your heart drop slightly. You nodded, gathering the books into a much neater pile.<br/>
"Next week will be the last week," You reminded him, and he looked down at you in confusion as he stood, brushing off his robes. "Christmas, right?"<br/>
Understanding flickered through his gaze, and he nodded, mumbling something along the lines of <em>'oh, yeah'</em>. You stayed silent for a moment, standing up and watching as he sorted his hair, brushing his fingers through his fringe carefully.<br/>
"Hey, Draco?"<br/>
He practically flinched at the sound of his name, and he turned to look at you again. His lack of comment on the informal use gave you a little more confidence, and you finally asked him a question you'd been meaning to for a week.<br/>
"Are we friends?"<br/>
He stared at you for a moment, brain whirring. Your heart raced, scared you'd finally overstepped the line. Then, his eyes pulled off you, twisting his lips into a cruel scowl.<br/>
"What gave you the impression that we are?"<br/>
His unsavoury reaction hit you hard, and you faltered slightly, at loss for words. The blond was very obviously avoiding your eyes, and you swallowed bitterly.<br/>
"You said you weren't going to turn me in - and you have to admit that things have changed. Between us, I mean." You tried to hide the slight panic entering your tone, searching him for some sort of answer, or admission. He was tense, jaw clenching a little, before he spoke.<br/>
"That doesn't mean anything. If you think I genuinely enjoy being around you - don't bother."<br/>
He might have well as slapped you.<br/>
You stayed silent, unable to speak as he made his way towards the doorway. Desperate to find anything to say, anything to make him turn around, you shouted after him.<br/>
"What do you want from me?" Your voice came, almost pleading, and he froze. "If you're not interested in being around me, or - or even admitting to yourself that you don't hate me, why keep me around? You said it yourself, you're not going to turn me in, so why keep showing up?"<br/>
Another moment of silence, and he turned back to you. You were hanging onto his every word, and you denied the hot tears pricking at your eyes to come. Not in front of him, not now.<br/>
<em>Why does it even matter to you?</em><br/>
"Why do you think?" Malfoy's gaze narrowed slightly, but he wasn't meeting your eyes. You couldn't read into them this time. "Keep your enemies close, right?"<br/>
Your chest tightened, and this time, as he walked away, you couldn't bring yourself to stop him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Warnings: language, angst</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. touch</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sight of the oversized door of the Room of Requirement felt quite sickening this week.<br/>
Your mind raced, a million miles an hour. Maybe he <em>had</em> turned you in - the image of Umbridge sat there, waiting for you to arrive so she could expel you felt all too realistic for your liking. Draco's tone days before was one that you'd never heard before. Cold, emotionless - not spiteful, or sarcastic, as you had become accustomed to. To make matters worse, Umbridge had formed an 'Inquisitorial Squad', set on exposing Dumbledore's Army, and, of course, Malfoy just had to be apart of it.<br/>
Not that he had shown any remorse, to be picked by Umbridge - in fact, a revolting grin had flickered along his lips as she announced it to the school, your gaze hard and accusatory as his eyes brushed upon yours. His smile wavered, but never fell, and you found yourself swallowing harshly and turning to meet Hermione's eyes across the Great Hall instead.<br/>
Of course, being within the circle of friends that Harry surrounded yourself with - things weren't much better with him, either. After predicting Ron's fathers attack at the Ministry, he'd been forced into nightly lessons with Severus Snape himself. Personally, you and the Potions teacher had what you felt was a mutual amnesty - you aced your Potions lessons, and he didn't bring up your friendship with Potter. However, it was quite clear that Harry and his teachers relationship was somewhat complicated, as he turned up to breakfast looking dishevelled and drained, emotionally and physically.<br/>
You weren't exactly sure why you were going to meet Malfoy - if he even turned up - after the events of the previous week. But it felt wrong to leave it, especially seeing as there was a two-week break coming up. Whatever was between you was delicate, and you didn't want to lose it to a squabble.<br/>
Clutching your wand as though holding onto dear life, you finally took the first step to enter the training room - which, you where incredibly glad to notice, didn't hide a lurking Umbridge. Malfoy sat on one of the benches, his back to you, slightly hunched over as though he was examining something in his hands.<br/>
The past few days had been rough. Hermione had pushed you to no end, repeatedly attempting to get you to admit something was going on with you and the Prefect. And, of course, this only prompted her two best friends to join in, giving you endless reasons as to why having any affiliation with the blond whatsoever was such<br/>
a terrible idea.<br/>
"He's got to be using you, Y/N, come on." Harry groaned as you desperately tried to tune out of the conversation. "You're being stupid if you think whatever is going on with him isn't anything but him trying to get something out of you."<br/>
"You know," You'd started, leaning back and glaring at Harry from across the table, desperately ignoring how the idea of him using you pinched your heart slightly. "I never said anything about me and Malfoy. In fact, as I remember, I <em>denied</em> having anything to do with him." Hermione had rolled her eyes, prompting a flare of annoyance to enter your gaze. "Anyway, haven't you got something better to do than warn me about my nonexistent fling?"<br/>
"You know he's on that 'Inquisitorial Squad' now," Hermione reminded you, and you had to bite back a small shudder. "If he finds out anything about DA..."<br/>
"Why would he?" You hissed, the quill between your fingers practically bending under the pressure of your grip. "Do you think I'm bloody <em>stupid</em> or something?"<br/>
"Bloody hell, Y/N, we're just winding you up," Ron broke in, the tension between you and the three Gryffindors becoming slightly too sharp for his liking. You threw another glare at the Muggleborn, who was now avoiding your eyes with rose tinted cheeks, and sat back slightly as your eyes wandered back to your notes.<br/>
"I think what Hermione is trying to say," Harry spoke, obviously keeping his tone gentle as he scanned your pointed expression. "If something is going on with Malfoy, just be careful what you say to him."<br/>
"There's nothing going on." Your tone was curt, and when no more comments were made, you fell back into the scratch of your quill against paper. With a raise of the eyebrows at his housemates, Ron leaned in to Harry's shoulder, muttering something along the lines of <em>'bloody Slytherins'.</em><br/>
The conversation had left a bitter taste in your mouth. <em>Maybe you should have owned up to your meetings with Malfoy? It was originally blackmail, right?</em> And after the confrontation you'd had not a week ago with him, you weren't even sure if anymore meetings would go ahead.<br/>
Until now.<br/>
Once the doors had sunk back into wall behind you, the room fell into a short silence. You swore you could hear your heart picking up a beat or two, your breathing a little more out of pace than usual. You weren't exactly sure what to expect after you'd made it this far, but you guessed that it was already a good sign that he'd decided to show up.<br/>
"You turned up." Malfoy's tone was almost questioning, and you tried to settle into your spot by the now nonexistent door, folding your arms tightly.<br/>
"So did you," You pointed out, keeping your voice was vacant as possible. He straightened a little, his hand coming up to push his hair out of his face. You watched at the way his sweater stretched under the movement, letting out a small, silent breath, and settling your gaze on the floor a little away from him.<br/>
He finally stood, before turning to cast you a glance.<br/>
"You with Umbridge and her groupies, now, then?" You muttered, still not allowing yourself to look at him. With a scoff, he shrugged, tucking his hands in his pockets.<br/>
"Keeping up appearances," Draco spoke obnoxiously, as though it were obvious. "And, of course, the idea of getting to kick Potter off the school grounds is... Inspiring." Your lips tightened into a line, and you eventually lifted your head to look at him. He was watching you, closely, but not viciously, as though he was trying to read into you.<br/>
"I was right about one thing," You grumbled, casting your gaze off to the side for a second, your jaw pushed to the side to purse your lips slightly. "You <em>are</em> a dick."<br/>
Draco stifled a small laugh, his lips still twitching for a moment.<br/>
"I never denied that," He replied, almost softly, if you listened carefully. Breathing in deeply, you dropped your hands to your side, tucking your wand away with the threat now removed, before slipping your hands in to your pockets.<br/>
"You know we can't meet anymore after today."<br/>
Your words hung in the air for a while.<br/>
Draco stared at you, eyes flashing with a range of emotions that you couldn't decipher quickly enough. He scrunched his nose, before his brows furrowed, and he turned to face you fully, not bothering to close any distance between you.<br/>
"Why?"<br/>
You faltered, his tone almost... <em>Sad?</em><br/>
Chest tightening a little, you sighed deeply, shaking your head.<br/>
"It's too dangerous." You whispered, unsure if he had heard you from all the way across the room.<br/>
Stepping onto and over the bench, he strode towards you, coming to a stop a little away from you when made a small step backward, shaking your head at him with an unsure smile.<br/>
"I know." He spoke carefully, expression open, clear. "And I don't care."<br/>
The words made your heart jump ever so slightly, and you drank the sight of him in. He was giving you another glimpse into the person you never saw, the person you thought you knew. Draco's guards were down - he was being <em>honest.</em><br/>
You chewed on your lip, before speaking.<br/>
"They know. The others, I didn't tell them, but they've guessed." You lifted your chin a little, carefully watching his reaction. His eyes cast to the side briefly, before he shrugged, shaking his head.<br/>
"They would eventually."<br/>
A little confidence flooded through your being as he spoke, and you let a small smile play along your lips.<br/>
"Admit it." You proposed, eyes glinting. "Admit you don't hate me."<br/>
It was his turn to go quiet, opening his mouth before wincing and rubbing his top lip with his forefinger, thumb hooked under his chin. You only watched, expectantly.<br/>
"I," He groaned, shooting you a look. "Are you seriously going to make me say it?"<br/>
"It's just words, Draco." You played off, but even you felt the undeniable lie within your reply. It was most certainly not just words. Not when it came to Draco.<br/>
"Okay." He muttered, shoving his hands back into his pockets. "Okay, fine, I don't hate you." You smiled triumphantly, hiding it a little as you ducked your head under his gaze.<br/>
"Well, I don't hate you, either." You glanced up to see him smiling at you, softly, and you burned the image into your mind.<br/>
You captured his gaze almost accidentally, and he swallowed thickly. He was closer than you thought he was, and you had to straighten up a little to look at him properly. Flinching lightly as his hand moved, he paused, but a singular nod from you put him at ease. Your body was buzzing with tension and uncertainty as his fingers brushed the skin of your cheek, carefully shifting a piece of hair away from where it had hidden your eyes. Breathing shakily, you watched him, heart racing almost as fast as your thought process.<br/>
Draco almost looked gentle in the dim light of the Room of Requirement, gaze on you but his thoughts distant. You could almost sense a flicker of pain in the stormy hue, and you felt the urge to reach out and pull him into your arms.<br/>
<em>What happened to you? What made you... like this? </em><br/>
You cleared your throat, pulling back as his cold touch fell away from your skin, leaving a sense of burning lingering where he had touched.<br/>
"Have a good Christmas, Draco," You mumbled, offering him a small smile. He nodded, quiet, distracted, and you turned back to where you'd come through not long before.<br/>
His eyes remained glued to your figure as you slipped back into the night, offering him a quick glance as you walked away, desperately trying to ignore the way his heart hammered in his chest.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Warnings: language, fluff</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. the astronomy tower</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A new term, a new start.<br/>
And yet, you felt a sense of dread.<br/>
Christmas break for you had been long, dragging on as you stayed at Hogwarts, much to your parents frustration - you were sure that they would have something to say to you by the time you were forced to go home for summer. Christmas at your household was always depressing - being forced to listen to your Grandparents make remarks against Muggleborns, or something new to judge about Harry that they'd most likely read in the latest copy of the Daily Prophet. Your parents were just as bad, reminding you to try harder with your connections within the Slytherin house, and to <em>'stop playing house with Mudbloods, or people will start saying things'.</em><br/>
"Are you sure you're going to be okay on your own for Christmas, Y/N? I'm sure Ron's family wouldn't mind if you went with him and Harry to the Order." Hermione had asked you, carefully searching your expression. You were sat in the Great Hall, the last feast before Christmas in progress. You'd snuck over to the Gryffindor table, ignoring the looks from your housemates as you slipped in next to Harry, nudging him as he stabbed at his turkey absentmindedly.<br/>
"That's okay," You mumbled, watching as Ron continued to shovel stuffing into his mouth with an unsure expression. "I'm sure the Weasley's don't want a Slytherin at the dinner table for Christmas. Besides, it'll give me chance to do all that work Snape has given me."<br/>
Hermione looked at you with a glint of worry in her gaze, seemingly noting something else within your words.<br/>
"Well, make sure you stay in touch - send us an owl or two," Hermione smiled gently, and you nodded, giving her an appreciative nod. Sure, she could be a pain sometimes, but it was all for what she saw was best for you and her friends.<br/>
Since your last meeting with Draco in the Room of Requirement, he had fallen pretty much silent towards you in public. No comments, or gestures, or whispers behind your back in lessons. It was practically peaceful - but there was no doubt that whatever happened that night had stirred something up in Draco's mind. And, at least, it certainly had for you.<br/>
You couldn't decipher your emotions that night, mind whirring as you snuck back into the Slytherin common room. Draco Malfoy, acting romantically? It was unheard of. Sure, he had a reputation for making the Slytherin girls swoon, and occasionally causing a scandal between friends, but never had you even imagined him being genuinely affectionate.<br/>
<em>It was a heat of the moment thing,</em> you told yourself, as you pulled the covers over your head to drown out the sound of Pansy Parkinson's snores. <em>I'm sure he didn't really mean to do it - he's probably regretting it already.</em><br/>
Thankfully, the trio hadn't brought up you and Malfoy's supposed 'relationship' since Harry had warned you to be careful. They had seemed to get the drift with you being very uncomfortable with them bringing up the subject (much to your relief), but you still managed to earn some glances whenever one of them caught Draco looking at you, or vice versa.<br/>
From what you'd gathered from his best friends, Harry's Christmas couldn't have been much worse either, and with Umbridge managing to get closer and closer to revealing the whereabouts of Dumbledore's Army, things were even more tense than before the holidays. You desperately avoided Draco, not wanting to think about him or your rather complicated relationship - after all, you'd told him that you couldn't meet anymore, and you wanted to stick by that, despite what had happened on your last meeting. It was just too risky, for the both of you, and things were better off with you going your separate ways.<br/>
But that didn't mean that he didn't leave your mind.<br/>
Every time you walked into that room with your friends, you could see him - you could hear his snark tone and his all-too frustrating teasing. You could feel his burning, yet freezing, touch on your cheek, and you thought of the flicker of his eyes as he did so.<br/>
<em>It was nothing,</em> you'd remind yourself, trying to focus as Harry began another lesson. <em>You don't need to think about it anymore.</em><br/>
You'd left things too open for your liking - you weren't exactly sure what was going on with him, and according to the unsure glances you'd caught him sending your direction, it seemed like he wasn't exactly sure what was going on with you, either.<br/>
Frustratingly - it also seemed like you'd have to meet him one more time.<br/>
<em>'Meet me in the astronomy tower'</em>, the note had read, in rather elegant handwriting that you could instantly put down to Malfoy. The note had been dropped at your feet, as he had rushed out of a Potions lesson, and you'd snatched it off the floor before Snape, or anyone else for that matter, could notice.<br/>
Anxiety had wrapped its way around your chest as you made the long walk from the dungeons up to the tower. You weren't exactly sure if you were supposed to be up there, especially after what had happened with Professor Trelawney, but you'd only pushed on, gripping the strap of your bag tightly as you made your way up the never ending flight of stairs.<br/>
Draco's first thought when he saw you was how <em>tired</em> you looked. He'd caught wind from Daphne Greengrass that you'd stayed at Hogwarts over the break, reminding him of the words you had left him with all those weeks ago.<br/>
<em>'We have our own reasons to go against The Dark Lord',</em> you had spoken, rather solemnly - the reply had instilled a type of fear within him that he wasn't quite sure he'd felt for anyone else in his life, and they'd stayed with him ever since.<br/>
<em>What in bloody hell was happening with her family?</em> He'd questioned, but only shaken off the thought.<br/>
After all - it wasn't like you were close.<br/>
"Good Christmas?" Was all the blond had said as he'd turned to meet your gaze, a few steps down from where he stood. You shrugged, passing off the question, avoiding his eyes almost as soon as you'd greeted him.<br/>
"What do you want?" Your tone was cool, but you still felt a slight uncertainty sitting in your stomach. It wasn't after hours, and it certainly wasn't impossible for someone to see you there, together.<br/>
Draco watched you for a moment, leaning back against the curved wall of the tower with a slight frown coming across his features.<br/>
"Is it so hard to believe that I just wanted to talk to you?"<br/>
The question had taken you off guard, and you finally looked at him, properly. He was almost exasperated, eyes frantically searching yours for a clue, or anything to go by, that would lead you to a conversation that was, for once, not going to end in an argument or some odd turn of events.<br/>
"You know we can't meet anymore, Draco." You shook your head, and his gaze narrowed slightly.<br/>
"Do I?" He pushed, arms folding. "Or was that just a decision you made yourself?"<br/>
Your previously mild look turned sour as he spoke, and you glared at him, gritting your teeth.<br/>
"It was a decision one of us had to make." You hissed, looking rather bewildered. "With things going on right now - <em>we can't</em>. We just can't, it's as simple as that."<br/>
He detected an ounce of reluctance in your tone, but didn't mention it, choosing only to set his eyes out of the small window, too busy thinking to admire the view the tower gave of the grounds.<br/>
"Look, I have a lesson to go to." You sighed, carefully turning back as to leave the tower.<br/>
Before you could fully react, Draco was moving towards you, grasping your shoulder as to turn you back around - causing you to trip.<br/>
A yelp escaped your mouth as you did so, heart leaping as you faced the abyss of stairs awaiting for you to crash down, that would undoubtedly end in a broken bone or two, but a strong grip on your arm pulled you back, a second hand coming upon your shoulder to steady you on the step you'd barely moved from.<br/>
You were now, to your upmost annoyance, facing back towards him.<br/>
"Are you <em>insane-</em>"<br/>
Your upcoming yell was broken off with a set of lips on yours.<br/>
Slamming your hand on his chest, you pushed Draco away, chest heaving and hair a mess as you stared at him, eyes reflecting millions of thoughts spiralling through your mind at once. He only looked back at you, eyes smokey and utterly, completely, addicting.<br/>
Bringing your hand up to cup the back of his neck, you pulled him back down, your turn to take him by surprise.<br/>
His hands set on your cheeks, cold, but enticingly so, running your fingers up into his hair with your spare hand. He tasted like mint - fresh mint, his cologne almost as strong and intoxicating as the way he moved his lips on yours. You could barely form a single thought, completely focused on him, him, <em>him.</em><br/>
It took every bit of you to pull away from him, more gently this time, as you rested your hands on his shoulders and pushed him back.<br/>
"No," You whispered, feeling your heart throb ever so slightly at having to push him away. Draco swallowed thickly, dropping his hands to your forearms, still dangerously close. "I'm sorry, but no."<br/>
The word that he spoke next crashed into you like a tonne of bricks.<br/>
"<em>Please.</em>"<br/>
His voice broke slightly, breath hitching, and you peered back into his eyes guiltily. He was completely exposed, and you were denying him <em>everything.</em><br/>
"We can't," Was all you mumbled back, finally forcing yourself away from him and rushing down the stairs before he could draw you in a second time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Warnings: language, angsty</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. ginny weasley</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Draco Malfoy had gone from bullying you, to glaring at you, to watching you - to pretty much denying your existence.<br/>
The next day after your meeting at the astronomy tower, he practically avoided you like the plague, making sure not to sit near you in the great hall, nor bump into you in the common room. Despite not particularly wanting to see him either, the hurt still fresh in your mind as you ran his parting words over in your head, you couldn't deny that it stung. It stung a lot worse than it should have done, not catching his eyes on you only for them to be ripped off.<br/>
It wasn't like you wanted to push him away - especially when he had been to vulnerable in front of you, but you had no choice.<br/>
<em>It was the only way.</em><br/>
And to make matters worse - a whole lot worse - someone had seen you.<br/>
More specifically - <em>Ginny Weasley</em> had seen you.<br/>
The glare she sent you as you walked into the Room of Requirement the next day was already enough to send a shudder of anxiety through you, Harry freezing next to you as she thrust her wand in your direction, the room of people you'd become so comfortable with falling silent as she let out a loud hiss.<br/>
"How dare you show up!" Her eyes glared at you with a fury dancing in them you wished you'd never had to see, your hand instinctively dropping to rest by the pocket you had slipped your wand into not long ago. Harry's eyes had flashed between the two of you, Ron staring at his sister as though she had gone mental.<br/>
"Ginny, what-"<br/>
"You think you're getting away with it, don't you?" Your heart dropped as she growled, a sickness crawling into your stomach with realisation. "Well, the games over. I saw."<br/>
The tension in the room was thick enough to slice with a knife, Hermione watching you with widened eyes, seemingly catching onto what was happening. Hermione knew, <em>of course</em> she knew. <em>She'd never believed your lies about Draco in the first place, had she?</em><br/>
"Y/N, what is she talking about?" Harry had turned to you, brows furrowed in utter confusion, but you were frozen to your spot just inside the room, the doors behind you sealed. There was no escape, no way out of this.<br/>
At your silence, the ginger jabbed her wand at you a second time, threateningly, letting out a cold laugh in disbelief.<br/>
"You didn't tell him?" Ginny yelled, your eyes feeling glassy as you lifted you chin a little, sending a terrified glance towards Hermione helplessly. The blonde only looked back, just as scared - for you, or someone else, you weren't entirely sure.<br/>
"Ginny, please," You whispered shakily, but she only shook her head. "It wasn't - it's not what you think."<br/>
"What?" She pushed, wand coming dangerously close to your neck. "So I didn't see you snogging Draco Malfoy in the astronomy tower yesterday?"<br/>
The room fell into a hushed round of muttering and gasps, shame creeping up your neck in a hot flush that you couldn't push back.<br/>
"You said nothing was going on." Ron rounded on you, scanning you with a look of disbelief, and you took in a quivering breath. "You've been seeing him all this time, haven't you?"<br/>
"He blackmailed me," You pleaded, trying to catch Harry's eye as he stepped back from you, but no avail.<br/>
"So you <em>kissed</em> him?" Ginny raised an eyebrow. You grit your teeth, trying not to fall into the state of panic your body was pushing you into.<br/>
"He made me meet him, or he was going to turn us in to Umbridge," You began, hands still trembling at your side. "But things changed, alright - and yesterday, yesterday I was telling him we couldn't anymore, with everything going on-"<br/>
"And we're supposed to believe that?" Harry's tone was angry, pure, cold, anger, that you weren't sure you had ever heard in his voice before. <em>Betrayal.</em> You met his gaze hopelessly, eyes welling with tears and blurring the shade of green that looked back.<br/>
"You have to," You managed to get out, noticing Hermione's eyes flash with a mix of sympathy and uncertainty.<br/>
"I knew it all along." Ginny hissed, still on the defensive. "I never trusted you, you Slytherin bitch!"<br/>
You managed to grasp your wand and whip it out of your pocket before she let out an unrestrained <em>'Stupify!'</em>, deflecting it mere seconds before it could hit you. Frantically backing into the archway, where the door seemed to have appeared once again, your gaze swept over Hermione, pleading with her, begging her to understand.<br/>
You never meant for this. <em>Never.</em><br/>
Before the youngest Weasley could make another attempt at hitting you with a jinx, you slipped back into the hallway, not bothering to contain the sob that escaped your lips, hot tears burning as they rolled over the cheeks that Draco had once so gingerly touched.<br/>
In a rush to get back to your dorm room, or somewhere you were sure no one would confront you, you managed to run into someone - your heart stopped, terrified that you'd turn to find a Professor staring back at you - only to find someone a whole lot worse.<br/>
"Watch it!" A annoyed hiss came from Draco Malfoy, before he whipped round, having caught himself mid-fall, a ready insult gathering at his lips only to die at the sight of you. His eyes flickered, and his brow bunched momentarily as he noticed the tears cascading down your face. "What's wrong with you-"<br/>
"It's all your fault," You wept, covering your mouth with your hand as his eyes widened. "It's <em>all</em> your fault, you - you shit!"<br/>
Shaking your head, you backed away from him, vanishing before he could say anything else, gone as soon as you had appeared.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Warnings: language, very mild violence?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. butterbeer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>PLEASE check the end for warnings!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>News at Hogwarts spread quick.<br/>
And news quickly morphed into rumours and lies.<br/>
Before long, everyone in the school had heard something about you and Malfoy in the astronomy tower - some rumours worse than others. Hushed whispers behind your back became a usual, along with the stares and the sniggers and the wolf whistles as you passed through the corridor.<br/>
Anyone who was a member of the DA ignored you existed. Hermione had only watched sadly as an older Gryffindor boy had grabbed your backside as you walked past, your eyes pricking with hot tears as students around him began to howl with laughter and cheers. He winked at you as he walked away, and you thought you were going to be sick.<br/>
It happened to be in the courtyard when things turned really sour.<br/>
"Oi, Y/L/N!" A sixth year Slytherin boy had yelled after you as you headed towards the common room from a lesson, bag clenched in your fist as you desperately tried to ignore him. Much to your dread, however, footsteps to your left and a hand creeping around your waist froze you to the spot, and you whipped round, eyes wide as you stared back at the boy.<br/>
"Don't touch me," You hissed, but his grip only tightened, and he leaned in, lips brushing against the top of your ear in a way that made you want to puke.<br/>
"You know you want me to - how about we take a trip to the astronomy tower?"<br/>
Not even risking a second longer, you desperately pushed back against his chest and face, managing to catch his skin with a nail as you did, leaving a scratch behind. Your heart was racing with pure terror, and the boy staggered backward, the courtyard dipping into a chorus of low gasps and murmurs and chuckles as you landed back on the floor.<br/>
"You bitch," The boy spat, towering over you as you frantically tried to put distance between the two of you, oxygen suddenly coming hard to find as you gasped for air. You'd managed to get back onto your feet as his fist wrapped around your tie, pulling you up close. "You're going to regret that."<br/>
"Get your fucking hands off her!"<br/>
You never thought the voice of Draco Malfoy would fill you with so much relief.<br/>
The Slytherin dropped you, and you fell back once again, steadying yourself this time as Draco stormed past you and onto your aggressor.<br/>
"Malfoy - I didn't know it was a done thing, mate, or I wouldn't have-"<br/>
Draco's fist was meeting his face before he could even finish what he was saying.<br/>
Your hearing fell away from you, hot tears stinging your cheeks, surrounded by students who's eyes flickered between you and the blond.<br/>
Frozen still, it took a moment for you to come around, desperately attempting to shake off the feeling of his revolting touch.<br/>
"Draco," You mumbled, taking in the sight of him grasping at the older boys tie, wand clenched in a firm grasp, seething. "Draco, no." You moved forward, setting your hand on his shoulder timidly. His eyes flicked back to you, gaze still hard, but he finally pulled back.<br/>
Satisfied Draco wasn't about to get himself in anymore trouble, you grabbed your bag off the floor and made for it inside, the crowd that had gathered finally dispersing as you pushed past them. Your heart was in your throat, as well as a horrible, burning bile, and you swallowed painfully, breaking into a run down the corridors, ignoring the odd stares you were receiving from people who had missed what had happened outside.<br/>
By the time you made it to the second floor girls bathroom, loud sobs were shaking your body, your quivering hand coming to cover your mouth. You lent against one of the sinks, bag dropping to the floor, panic overcoming you quicker and quicker until a shady darkness threatening to overcome your vision entirely.<br/>
You'd lost your friends, your cause, your mildly confusing relationship with Malfoy - and now you'd lost your dignity.<br/>
"Y/N?"<br/>
Frantically whipping your wand out of your pocket, you turned, biting back another cry as you did. Draco's eyes softened as he stared back at you, raising his hands briefly in mock surrender.<br/>
Shoving your wand away, you struggled against the pull of your lungs, still deprived of oxygen. It felt like someones hands were squeezing, <em>scratching</em> at your throat, and your eyes flickered shut, your own grasp coming up to the base of your neck.<br/>
"Breath," Draco's voice sounded closer to you now, and you reached out to steady yourself on his shoulder. "You're okay, just breath."<br/>
You stayed like that for a while, focusing on the sound of Draco's own breath instead of your own. You were left, hiccuping lightly as cries still forced their way out of the back of your throat, and you leaned back against the sink, red-rimmed eyes flashing over Draco's now much clearer face.<br/>
"I'm sorry," You managed to say, but he only shook his head, searching your expression for a minute before extending his hand. You swallowed, thickly, heart still racing painfully, before dropping your hand from his shoulder and taking it carefully, allowing him to intertwine your fingers with his.<br/>
Draco's skin was still cold and he poorly hid a wince as your own brushed along the newly formed scrapes and bruises on his knuckles from where he'd thrown the punch, but it gave you something to focus on as you tried to clear the mist that had made your head so foggy. His thumb swept across the back of your palm, and you shivered lightly, eyes shifting from where you were connected up to his face again.<br/>
His eyes still roamed your features, perfectly clear under a beam of light falling in through the window, hair falling slightly over the right side of his face. Despite the darkness of he room illuminating the paleness of his skin, you couldn't help but think he looked perfectly fragile, not quite whole - but in an endearing manner that had your chest lightening under his concerned gaze.<br/>
For a moment, you allowed yourself to feel like everything was okay.<br/>
After everything that had happened, with Ginny, with the DA - the way he could barely bring himself to admit he didn't hate you - you ignored everything.<br/>
He was there, now uncertain under your shifting, glassy scrutiny.<br/>
And <em>Merlin</em>, he looked so perfect.<br/>
Carefully, ever so slowly, you shifted towards him - his eyes instantly flickering back up to you questioningly, and you scanned the clearness of his blue-grey orbs, before your gaze dipped down to his lips. Only for a second, but it was long enough.<br/>
His touch fell away slightly, your heart jumping as you thought he was going to pull away entirely, only for it to travel up your forearm, coming to a halt eventually at the side of your throat. This thumb dragged across your jawline too intoxicatingly, and you finally let yourself move your arm to brush away the tuft of white hair that skewed his vision.<br/>
He looked so vulnerable as he looked down at you, so <em>carefully</em> crafted, created, and a feeling of tainted adoration pinched at your heart.<br/>
Leaning in, you pressed your lips to his, your arm falling somewhere over his shoulder as you pulled yourself closer to him.<br/>
It was gentle, and fuller, than you'd ever felt at the astronomy tower - not stained with a rushed pain or regret.<br/>
Draco tasted like butterbeer, this time - you could feel the sugar coating your bottom lip as his tongue brushed along it - and you allowed his arms to wrap around your being, feeling a sense of comfort that you had not felt in so many years. For a moment, nothing meant anything, and you could forget Voldemort and Harry and everything that had gone so wrong. His body was warm against yours, hair slightly soft, slightly clumped, most likely from whatever hideous amount of hair products he put in it.<br/>
The act offered you a million broken promises that you wished he could keep, speaking more words than he'd ever dared to say. It was strong, but painful, the way a sense of foreshadowing poisoned your thoughts, and you pulled back, blinking back tears.<br/>
<em>I hate him</em>, you thought, staring up at the ceiling as he reattached his lips to your jaw, your own parting ever so slightly at the action, chin jolting upward.<br/>
<em>He's ruined everything and I hate him and he doesn't care.</em><br/>
You swallowed, taking a breath.<br/>
<em>And neither do I.</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Warnings: DEPICTIONS OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT, angst, hurt/comfort</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. sunlight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Winters last breaths had finally morphed into spring.<br/>
Hogwarts, however, had never felt colder.<br/>
It wasn't long after you'd been kicked from the group that Umbridge finally broke into the Room of Requirement, and you'd noticed the way Harry walked with a new sense of loneliness that you felt in your chest yourself. You still hadn't spoken to them since you'd left. Worried - that had become your permanent state of being. Worried about Harry doing something stupid, worried about Hermione's unsure gazes you'd caught her sending toward you.<br/>
Worried about the letters your mother had been sending you, begging you to stay away from Harry and anyone he was involved with.<br/>
<em>Draco Malfoy</em>, she wrote, the name in her all-too perfect handwriting making you feel ill. <em>Draco Malfoy is the only one you can trust.</em><br/>
Umbridge had a firm grasp around Hogwarts, even more so since Dumbledore had managed to escape by the skin of his teeth. It felt different in the corridors, but since Draco had punched someone in the courtyard for you, the whispers had stopped, and so had the advancements many had tried all too publicly.<br/>
The only upside to being at Hogwarts was him.<br/>
You'd continued to meet him, usually in the astronomy tower.<br/>
Sitting by the ledge, you'd talk - avoiding any difficult topics, shoulders brushing together comfortably as your eyes fell out on a view you'd come to fall more in love with every night. Sometimes you brought a book with you, and he'd read it aloud, laying down together. Your eyes never left his lips once, and Draco had noticed it <em>more</em> than once.<br/>
Sometimes you'd just kiss him, his hands on your waist, your lips on his neck. Draco's breath would hitch slightly, and your heart would falter, and you knew you'd<br/>
die before you would let anything happen to him.<br/>
Occasionally, you'd curl up together, his arms wrapped around you, grip loose when he finally drifted off. His expression was so serene, and you couldn't help but carve his features into your memory, too scared to wake him up, too scared to put an end to another night that escaped you all too quickly.<br/>
Of course, it wasn't all perfect - he was still arrogant, and he snapped at you more than you thought necessary. With a quick glare or snarky response, he'd just roll his eyes, lips quirking into an apologetic smile.<br/>
It was odd, really. Draco never asked you why you were crying that day you saw him in the corridor (although, he'd guessed you'd left DA), and he never brought up the boy in the courtyard. You didn't ask him to talk about his feelings, and he never asked you to talk about yours, but that was okay.<br/>
Something between you felt... Impermanent. Uncertain.<br/>
As though it would all fall away quicker than falling asleep.<br/>
"Draco?"<br/>
Your tone was unsure, watching him sat directly on the edge of the top of the tower. His legs fell over the side - to which, you'd originally scalded him for - <em>'you're going to get yourself bloody killed if you fall!'</em> - but he'd only rolled his eyes, reminding you that <em>'you have a wand, don't you?'</em>. He let out a quiet hum in response, not bothering to turn to face you, where you sat cross legged beside him.<br/>
"Have - Have you spoken to your parents recently?"<br/>
Draco's brows furrowed, and he finally glanced at you, the concern edging your question prompting his own.<br/>
"No. Not for a while." He replied, voice lilted in confusion. "Why?"<br/>
Your gaze pulled away from him, and you sighed, your own uncertainty painted across your face. The sun was beginning to sink, casting golden shadows over the two of you, a warm breeze kissing the back of your neck.<br/>
"My, er," You struggled to find your words. "My mother has been sending me a lot of owls recently."<br/>
Draco frowned, following your gaze across the grounds of Hogwarts and onto the mountains.<br/>
"That doesn't exactly clarify things for me, love."<br/>
Your chest tightened delightfully at the nickname, and you couldn't hold back the small smile that played across your lips, but the worry was still clear in your mind.<br/>
"Things are changing, Draco." You whispered, trying to hold onto the feeling of any remaining warmth from the sun. Your eyes turned back to him, his expression tight, the light almost clearing all the colour from his eyes - as though they were completely clear. "I'm going to have to make a choice."<br/>
Draco stiffened, jaw clenching.<br/>
"Not today."<br/>
His voice was stern, and you quickly shook your head, heart melting in adoration as relief washed over his features.<br/>
Returning back to the view, your hand crept across to his, and he took it hesitantly, only for his grip to tighten, curling yours under his in a protective manner. When everything felt so heavy, the action tugged painfully in your chest.<br/>
You remained, for a while, until he spoke your name softly in the dying sunlight.<br/>
And when you turned, you found him staring at you, eyes unreadable. He looked as though he wanted to speak - wanted to say a thousand words, but they never came. You could almost hear it, hear them ringing in your ears with the way he looked you, but nothing came.<br/>
Hands coming to cup your cheeks, he pulled you into a kiss carefully, and yet so frantically.<br/>
A small moan slipped past your lips, taken by surprise, but you melted under his touch, the dull thud in your chest threatening tears.<br/>
You wished you didn't have to open your eyes. You could stay here, forever.<br/>
It was loud, outside. It was loud, and terrifying - but Draco was quiet. His presence was always the calm amidst a storm you'd lived in since you could remember, his lips on yours like a prayer, kissing you so desperately.<br/>
You followed after him as he pulled back, still refusing to open your eyes as he rested his forehead against yours. He took in a deep breath, your hands holding onto his shoulders so tightly you wouldn't be surprised if was hurting him.<br/>
Until, eventually, you let go.<br/>
Opening your eyes, you pulled out of his touch.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Warnings: language, angsty(?), fluff</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. note</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It so happened, that the change was sooner than you'd expected.<br/>
You were leaving Transfiguration, mind still buzzing with a million questions you'd left unanswered in a mock test paper McGonagall had given you to finish as homework. She'd only fell into step beside you, for once not surrounded by Ron or Harry, hand gripping your arm and pulling you to the side with an unusual rushed attitude.<br/>
"What - Hermione?"<br/>
You hadn't recognised the Gryffindor till you glanced up at her, students still filtering past you as they emerged from the class room - one of them being Draco. His eyes flicked between you and the girl almost darkly, brow pulling into a momentary frown, but Hermione's tug at your hand pulled your attention back to her.<br/>
She looked stressed, more stressed than you'd seen her before, and that alone spiked the trepidation that had seemingly made a home in your gut.<br/>
"I need to talk to you," She whispered, and you raised an eyebrow at her disbelievingly.<br/>
"Finally decided I'm not a traitor?" You couldn't hold back the venom that laced your tone, and she sighed, avoiding your eyes.<br/>
"Actually, I never believed you were." Hermione mumbled, and you swallowed, throwing a look around the two of you, unsure about what the consequences would be if Umbridge was to walk by and see you stood so closely, muttering to one another.<br/>
"What's up?" You asked with a sigh, and she finally glanced at you, golden rimmed eyes relieved.<br/>
"It's about Malfoy."<br/>
You scoffed, shaking your head with a bitter smile pulling at your lips.<br/>
"Please, Y/N, just listen," She urged, and you lent into the wall, nodding your head to prompt her to speak. "He was the one to tip off Ginny about the astronomy tower."<br/>
You practically choked on your own breath, staring at her with a painful thump in your chest.<br/>
"He - He what?"<br/>
The way he had acted about your entire relationship - or whatever the hell it was - was so secretive, particularly before you'd been caught, you were <em>sure</em> it couldn't have been him. You'd merely passed it off as an accident, and honestly, you wouldn't have put it past Ginny to have been watching your every move. She'd never trusted you since the day you joined DA, despite you being friends with Harry for so long.<br/>
<em>Why would he do that?</em><br/>
Hermione's gaze dripped in sympathy, your expression pained.<br/>
"I'm sorry to be blunt, I can't be too long - the others still don't trust you right now, but, I thought you should know. Whatever is going on between you two-"<br/>
"Nothing." You cut her off harshly, hot tears pricking at your eyes as you pulled away from her. "How do you know?"<br/>
Your mind was racing with a million possibilities and explanations, but you just couldn't make sense of it. <em>Why the hell would Draco want to expose you?</em><br/>
"He wrote her a note." Bringing the book up from where it rested by her side, she shoved it towards you, eyes flicking from you to the cover, gesturing you to open it.<br/>
Hand shaking slightly, you flipped open the cover.<br/>
It was his hand writing.<br/>
<em>Never trust a Slytherin.<br/>
Go to the Astronomy tower at the end of the day - that's all you need to know.</em><br/>
You grit your teeth, hard, staring at the note sticking out from the spine, your vision blurring slightly, betrayal hot in your mind.<br/>
Angrily rubbing away the tears that threatened to spill, you plucked the note out of the book and shoved it back to Hermione, who took it from you gently. She lingered for a moment, as you swallowed, her pitying gaze burning insultingly.<br/>
Draco knew how important fighting this war was to you - how important your friends were to you. He knew, or he wouldn't have used them against you in the first place.<br/>
<em>Didn't he know how important</em> he <em>was to me?</em><br/>
"I'm sorry," Hermione fixed you with one more look, before leaving you stood by the wall, throwing a glance at you over her shoulder as she hurried down the corridor, not wanting to be questioned by her friends.<br/>
You fell back against the wall slightly, the ripped piece of parchment burning in your grip, and your eyes fluttered up, fixing on the ceiling as you remembered all the moments, the touches, the smiles. The way he kissed you so whole, so gently, holding you as though you were about to vanish any minute.<br/>
Hurting was burning - a sickening burning, that burrowed through your heart and mind, unravelling everything you thought you'd learned, everything you thought you felt.<br/>
Taking in a deep breath, you opened your eyes, gripping the strap of your bag and turning to head further down the corridor.<br/>
Draco stared at you, expression unreadable, and you realised he had been there the whole time.<br/>
A ray of sunlight fell over his eyes as they had done not so long ago, moments before you kissed him, but this time your stomach twisted with a pain you didn't quite understand.<br/>
Shaking your head, he did not speak, letting you turn and walk the other way down the hallway.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Warnings: probably language, angst</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. the day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Why the long face, Draco? Got in a spat with your girlfriend?"<br/>
Draco had, admittedly, been uncharacteristically quiet for dinner that night.<br/>
He couldn't forget the look in your eye as you'd stared back at him, that wretched note sticking out from your fist. It filled Draco with a hot regret that he wasn't sure he'd ever quite felt before, not even when he'd managed to mess things up for himself when attempting to foil Harry's plans in his younger years, leaving him with a bitter taste in his mouth.<br/>
<em>Bleeding idiot</em>, he scalded himself, watching the food on his plate with an uncomfortable lack of appetite. <em>How in fucking hell am I going to get out of this one?</em><br/>
Blaise Zabini watched him with a glimmer of mischief in his eye, but Draco only glared at him, lips pulling into a scowl.<br/>
"I told you. That Bloodtraitor isn't my girlfriend."<br/>
"Then why'd you almost knock Warrington out for trying it on with her?"<br/>
Disgust filtered through his features at the memory, and Draco finally sat upright, fixing Blaise with a look that told him mentioning the boys name was a big mistake.<br/>
"So you're perfectly fine with sitting back and watching a girl get harassed, Zabini? How lovely." Blaise stiffened at his classmates hiss, Pansy, slouching next to him, raising her eyebrows accusingly at her friend, flicking her eyes in Draco's direction and back to him with a look that screamed <em>'idiot'.</em><br/>
Blaise fell quiet after that, and Draco returned to his brooding.<br/>
Memories of the exchange poisoned his mind, and Draco grit his teeth. He could practically feel the blinding anger creeping back up on him, as he watched you stare back, terrified. How could anyone have done nothing? Warrington had always been repulsive to Draco - but the way his eyes ran over you, dark and digustingly pleased...<br/>
<em>She should have left me alone with him for a second longer, the fucking sick bastard.</em><br/>
Draco's eyes flickered towards the end of the Slytherin table, where you usually sat. He'd noticed you hadn't shown up for dinner long before then, and at this point, he couldn't ignore the concern that settled in his stomach.<br/>
Pushing away from the table, he stood, hands dropping into his pockets.<br/>
"Don't wait up for me."<br/>
His friends did not call after him, and quite frankly, Draco didn't care, sauntering down the aisle and vanishing into the empty corridors, dusk casting vague shadows over the walls. A prick of painful familiarity pulled his eyes to the wall that hid the Room of Requirement, but he only swallowed, glancing behind him as he allowed his feet to carry him to the astronomy tower.<br/>
It was particularly dark inside, the steps only illuminated by the last dregs of sunlight that filtered in through the small windows. His gaze followed up the stone stairway like they had so many times, a chill passing over his skin that suggested someone else was here.<br/>
But, of course, he knew that already.<br/>
You recognised the tap of overpriced school shoes almost immediately.<br/>
It wasn't like you weren't expecting him to come - and in some, twisted way, you had wished he would. Perhaps you wanted to breath for once, without his seemingly constant shadow. Perhaps you wanted him to kiss you like he had done not so long ago. You weren't entirely sure yourself, and so you came.<br/>
The footsteps came to a close, but you did not look up, eyes glinting with the reflection of light that came from your wand. A ferret shifted around you nervously, pausing in front of you and finally dashing away, phasing into nothing in front of the feet of the boy you weren't quite sure you wanted to see it.<br/>
And then, it returned.<br/>
You glanced, confused, as the ferret came back to you as strong as ever, dancing up into the air clumsily, and you followed the trail it left back to a wand clutched in Draco's hand.<br/>
Pain flickered across your features, a smile tugging at your lips slightly.<br/>
He'd just admitted <em>everything</em> without even knowing.<br/>
"I knew you could do it."<br/>
Draco winced at the roughness of your voice, and again, the ferret leapt one last time before the tower settled back into the darkness of before. Your eyes fell back out to the surroundings of the castle, a slight spring breeze tugging at your hair.<br/>
"I did it to protect you," His admission came light, and you let out a small laugh, smile falling back into a dead expression.<br/>
"From what, Draco?" Your tone was tired. "From you?" You found his eyes uncertain, pained, and the sight tugged at your heart ever so slightly.<br/>
"Umbridge had already figured it out." Draco paused. "I did you a favour, really."<br/>
Scoffing, you shot him a look - but not the fiery one he was used to. No, this one was drained.<br/>
"I'm not going to argue with you. You're not worth it."<br/>
The words stung worse than they did the first time they'd came from your mouth, and he withdrew a little, jaw clenching as his gaze searched the walls that surrounded him whilst he let the feeling fade.<br/>
"It's not your war to fight, Y/N." Draco dismissed, quickly changing the subject, but something within his voice was pleading.<br/>
"It is."<br/>
Honest, and reluctant, your words held a weight that pressed down on Draco's chest, and he remained silent. Something in you was tired. Tired of fighting, tired of lying, tired of <em>being.</em><br/>
And it scared him.<br/>
You took in a deep breath, wrapping your arms around yourself tightly.<br/>
"My parents are Deatheaters." Draco flinched at the confession, and he recognised the way your expression fell dead, final. "And I chose the other side before I could realise what that meant."<br/>
You felt oddly calm as the boy settled beside you, and you turned your head to watch him, only to find him already watching you.<br/>
The grey hue of his eyes were gentle, submitting, more than you'd ever found them. It was almost comforting, with his gaze on you, even after everything.<br/>
"I've never been scared of Dementors," Draco spoke quietly, as though he didn't want to disturb the peace that you'd finally managed to establish. "And I never cared about learning the Patronus charm."<br/>
Your eyes glittered with realisation, chest squeezing, and you tried to ignore the way his eyes flickered down to your lips. <em>No, not this time.</em><br/>
"Today is the day, Draco." The words came as a whisper, and you could have swore you recognised a sheen of tears sitting over his gaze as he grimaced.<br/>
It looked as though he were trying so hard to process everything that had happened - that <em>was</em> happening. A blitz of mismatched memories hovered between you, and he leaned towards you softly, only for you to withdraw, shaking your head gently.<br/>
"Say it," You prompted, tone fragile, and Draco's jaw tightened, gaze pulling away from yours. "Please. Say it, Draco." <em>Say you love me. Say you care. Say it just one time.</em><br/>
His eyes were hard, falling off somewhere into the darkness of the staircase, Adams apple bobbing as he swallowed thickly.<br/>
Your lips pulled into a hard line, looking down as your eyes began to well up.<br/>
<em>'It's just words, Draco'</em>, you'd said so long ago. <em>But it never was with him.</em><br/>
Standing shakily, you took a few steps down, only to pause. You didn't turn, but you could tell he wasn't watching you, and you inwardly begged him to have the last word.<br/>
Tilting your head ever so slightly, you spoke, voice wobbling dangerously.<br/>
"I'm sorry that I fell in love with you."<br/>
You hesitated.<br/>
A reply never came.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Warnings: mentions of sexual harassment, angst, language</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. expecto patronum</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Gryffindor common room was always much warmer than the Slytherins.<br/>
Despite it being summer, the fire seemed to always be burning, the flames casting a glow onto its near surroundings whilst the sun illuminated the rest, bright burgundy and gold wrapping you up in a cosy blanket that seemed to make it feel like you were being protected from an eternal winter, and you'd come to enjoy the warmth you felt whenever you were there.<br/>
Hermione was hunched one of the plush arm chairs in front of you, Ron drifting off on the sofa in the middle of the room. Harry - well, Harry hadn't come down from the dorm rooms much, not since the Ministry.<br/>
Not since Sirius died.<br/>
Hermione's eyes washed over you, but you ignored it. You'd curled yourself up in the armchair next to hers, one of the heavy blankets pulled tight over your shoulders, the red contrasting with the green lining of your robes, and your eyes fell somewhere out of the window. <em>Not quite there,</em> Hermione recognised, the glaze with with you stared through looking all too similar to Harry's.<br/>
Since the Ministry, everything felt... Off. Hogwarts seemed as though it had been flipped upside down, and yet, you were the only ones to quite notice anything. Every time you looked around, they felt altered, painted, like they weren't really real. Everything could quite possibly be just a dream, and you were begging to wake up.<br/>
Hermione shifted, and you flinched slightly, the sudden movement nudging your mindset back into the present sharply, uncomfortably. She swallowed, thickly, before turning herself to face you properly, and yet you continued to stare, not considering her until she finally spoke.<br/>
"Y/N?" Hermione spoke gently, and you blinked, nodding as your eyes finally fell on her in a still somewhat absent fashion. "No one would blame you, you know. If you decided to stop, now."<br/>
Her words took a moment to process, but she took that as a prompt to continue, taking a breath in. "After what happened, at the Ministry... Your mother..."<br/>
Face falling blank, you turned back to the window.<br/>
"Sorry - I won't mention her - I just want you to know that whilst we appreciate everything you've done... You <em>can</em> stop. We'll understand." Hermione watched as your gaze dropped to the floor with a haunted glint, and you finally spoke for the first time in a while.<br/>
"I made a choice, Hermione." Voice rough, your pause was filled by mostly silence - and the small crackle of the fire. "It's too late, now."<br/>
The blonde watched you, heart heavy for you as you returned back to your silence, and her heart picked up a beat as she dared to push further.<br/>
"What... What about Draco?"<br/>
You physically bristled, body going tense as she said his name, and your eyes found her, now hard, defensive.<br/>
"What about <em>him?</em>" You growled, trying to withdraw slightly as you realised she'd flushed a slight, panicked pink. Again, softer this time, you spoke. "What about... him?"<br/>
Hermione wasn't actually sure what had happened between the two of you.<br/>
One day, you just sort of appeared back in the trio's lives, with little more than an apology and a restrained explanation - she'd never pushed you to say more, but it was clear that feelings were still most definitely involved, and you still felt the scar of the pain too dearly.<br/>
"Your choice, you made, I'm guessing that was between us, and, well, him." Hermione's voice was hushed, as though she didn't want to frighten you, not daring to speak his name again. "It's not too late to change your mind."<br/>
And somehow, something in your brain had... <em>Clicked.</em><br/>
The Slytherin common room was cold, as you imagined, and you scanned the room for a blond haired boy that you'd more or less forbidden yourself to even think about for over a week. Even as he held you, Ron, Luna, Ginny and Neville captive in Umbridge's office, you'd kept your eyes off him, too busy trying to cope with the dull throb in your chest whenever he'd spoken.<br/>
His eyes felt too familiar for you to look in his direction.<br/>
When you came up empty for the Common room, you'd turned to leave, beginning to wrack your brains for anywhere else he could be - but a call stopped you, and you found yourself turning back to face not him, no, but his friend. Blaise Zabini.<br/>
"You looking for Draco?" Blaise asked, trying not let his eyes linger over any of the scars that the Battle of the Department of Mysteries had left behind. Your stomach was already hot with dread - it was almost like he'd <em>known</em> this would happen - but you nodded anyway, scanning his expression for a hint.<br/>
"I need to speak to him," You explained dully, and Blaise fell quiet before he spoke again.<br/>
"Ah, well, he left for home by portkey, this morning, actually."<br/>
You didn't exactly want to keep on listening at that point.<br/>
<em>Too late, too late, too fucking late again.</em><br/>
"With everything going on... His mother wanted him home, unsurprisingly, but - wait a minute, stay there," Blaise had shot off, and you had half a mind to leave, not wanting to be in a room that felt so remotely <em>him</em> with the green and the silver. The amount of times you'd hissed at him to be quiet when you were trying to study, or you'd caught him, sitting alone sometimes, looking lonely in an intriguing kind of way.<br/>
No, this room was full of him, and you hated it.<br/>
You could have cried in relief as Blaise returned quicker than you expected, thrusting a book in your direction.<br/>
Staring at the book, then to the Slytherin boy, you quirked an eyebrow.<br/>
"What's this for?"<br/>
"Draco told me to give it to you if I saw you?" Blaise's brow furrowed slightly. "Said he forgot to give it back to you. Maybe he got the wrong person or something-"<br/>
"No!" Your exclaim came before you could bite it back, and you took the book from his previously retracting hand rather speedily. "No, that's right. Bloody memory, right?"<br/>
Blaise let out an awkward laugh, and you cleared your throat, pulling the book into your chest protectively.<br/>
"Thank you," Smiling as convincingly as possible, you backed away from him, leaving the room as soon as you had entered it.<br/>
So.<br/>
That was the end of it all.<br/>
The end of your journey with your <em>most hated enemy.</em><br/>
You'd missed both shots - <em>so why did your feet still take you to the astronomy tower?</em><br/>
Going back to the Gryffindor common room didn't exactly feel right, after the conversation you'd had with Hermione. And yet, it was the only place that wasn't tainted with him, your only escape.<br/>
But, perhaps you could let yourself have one more meeting with him. Even if he wasn't there.<br/>
Hope had built it's way into your chest as you moved up the stairs, and despite you knowing it would be, it diminished as you found the platform of the astronomy tower empty. Taking a minute to look around, your chest filled with a certain type of nostalgia for a time that was barely weeks ago.<br/>
He would have been sat by the edge, always too close for your liking. Maybe reading, maybe just waiting, or looking out at the view like you often did.<br/>
But his spot was empty, and for a moment, so was yours.<br/>
Taking in a deep breath, you stepped out onto the platform, ignoring the familiarity as you reached your usual position and settled down. The book you clutched onto was discarded next to you, and you bit your lip, before shuffling right to the edge, swinging your legs over with a sense of terror passing through you. <em>Adrenaline.</em><br/>
It had to be the most feeling you'd had since...<br/>
And for a while, you fell completely still.<br/>
You weren't sure exactly what you were thinking about. It wasn't quite him, and it wasn't quite your mother, nor the Ministry. It wasn't Harry or Ron or Hermione, and it certainly wasn't anything else.<br/>
Leaning forward slightly, you peered straight off the edge of the tower, the urge to puke hitting you directly in the stomach before you managed to pull back.<br/>
<em>Merlin,</em> you thought to yourself, swinging your legs gently in the breeze. <em>Let's stop with that, already.</em><br/>
You'd almost forgotten about the book beside you until your fingers nudged the spine. Your eyes fell down to it, and you brought it into your lap, gently, running your thumb over the title: <em>'The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection'.</em><br/>
<em>Odd,</em> you thought, turning the book over in your hands to glance at the back cover. <em>I never lent my copy to him. I don't think I've even used it since fourth year.<br/>
Since... Fourth year.</em><br/>
You froze, before frantically flipping open the cover - and there it was, written in your handwriting, just inside the corner - your name, your house, and your year.<br/>
<em>How did he have this?</em><br/>
Running your fingers along the pages, uncertainty sat uncomfortably in your chest.<br/>
Fourth year had been when everything had changed - when Cedric had died, when The Dark Lord returned, but also-<br/>
Pulling the book open to the right page, you saw the underlined words and the notes in the margin. Some old, worn - and some new, in a much more elegant handwriting that sent your heart racing.<br/>
<em>But also the year you had fallen in love with Draco Malfoy.</em><br/>
Your eyes lingered on the page, shakily, breath caught in your throat, and it all came back to you. <em>Everything,</em> all of him - the Ministry, your mother - it hit you, so hard that you practically choked out in pain, the tears blurred your eyes too quickly for you to process.<br/>
Ripping the page out, you grabbed the book and threw it, as sob escaped your throat, the force of which you'd flung it, and perhaps also the magic so heavy in your veins, causing the pages to become loose. You watched, quivering, as the cream, aged parchment fluttered and shifted in the wind, raining down, down, onto the courtyard below.<br/>
<em>'Based on the fact that Patronuses are conjured by recalling happy memories, it stands to reason that a Patronus might change its form after one falls in love, and the memories used to conjure the Patronus largely revolve around the person the caster is in love with.'</em><br/>
Scribbled, thoughtlessly -<br/>
<em>'Then why did mine change to a ferret??'</em><br/>
Jotted, purposefully -<br/>
<em>'I'm sorry I fell in love with you, too.'</em><br/>
Without thinking, your wand was in your hand, the words were on your lips - and the ferret climbed the air only to sit beside you as you cried, so pure and almost clear in the daylight. Almost clear, like when the sun shone on blue-grey eyes.<br/>
Your eyes found the horizon as the ferret finally bounded away from you, watching as it slipped into nothing.<br/>
<em>It's you, Draco.<br/>
It's always been you.</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Warnings: language, angst!, depictions of dissociation (kinda), bad writing lmao</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. an authors note!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hi there!<br/>If you have bothered to read this far, or even click on this update, then wow, thanks, it means a lot! And, if you have even bothered to click on this fic, or give me kudos, or comment, then thank you so so so much because that's all a writer could ever ask for. It makes our days :)<br/>Expecto Patronum is a first in a series that I once poured over for hours a day. I know, I know it's only fanfiction, but I hold the storyline close to my heart and I hope you do too. <br/>However, this fic has been very exhausting to write. I'm not exactly sure what it was, maybe just spending too long on it, but my writing within it feels very poor, and I've already<br/>edited it many times - rewriting it, now, doesn't feel right to me. The last chapter has sat in my drafts for a couple weeks and I wasn't sure if I should post it, but I decided that even if I don't enjoy it, many others might, and you all deserve the ending - to this part, at least.<br/>I might, if enough people want it, continue writing the following parts, so if you do want to see where these two were supposed to go, please let me know! <br/>For now, I will be writing a different fic, also Draco x Reader, that I will be posting soon. <br/>Love to all of you. Thanks for coming on this journey with me, and hopefully I will see you all soon!</p>
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